‘People have been so supportive since TJ’s passing, we are just so grateful’

Aishling Larkin McDonnell is busy with a pen and paper, updating a list and adding more names. “We don't want to leave anyone out,” she says, carefully studying the notes she's made.

Together with husband Paul, daughter Katie and Aishling's sister Vanessa, they're remembering all the people they want to thank for the outpouring of love and support that enveloped them when the worst news imaginable visited their Durhamstown, Bohermeen home and shattered their hearts at the end of August.

TJ McDonnell, was cycling for home with a pal on the evening of August 25th when the 19-year-old was struck by a van at Nugentstown near Kells. The driver failed to remain at the scene. With darkness closing in, Paul, Aishling and Katie were already on the roads looking for the teenager, gripped by a feeling something was terribly wrong when he hadn't returned home from a cycle with his friend Cillian while out training for an iron man competition.

Those hours are a surreal blur. Paul, Aishling and Katie recall driving, searching, hearing word of an accident, panicked phone calls, meeting gardai on the road, words being said, others left unsaid, unsayable, tragedy unfolding minute by minute.

“It's something no one should ever have to experience, please God, that we never experience anything like it again. It’s horrific. And then having to identify TJ, stuff like that we're going to have to come to terms with. But it will get easier... I'm told,” says Paul, his voice trailing away.

That night, the floodgates opened to a devastation that can't be quantified, a grief that is still evolving and a sadness that will never truly heal for Paul, Aishling, and four children, Katie, Ryan, Paul Jnr and Hollie-Rose and the wider family. But for now, today, the McDonnells hold tight to a different feeling, gratitude.

There's a gratitude for raising the life-loving boy that became the young man who achieved so much and inspired so many in his two short decades than most could only hope to accomplish in a lifetime. And a gratitude for the Bohermeen and wider community that rushed to embrace them at their darkest hour.

There's laughter and smiles in the McDonnell living room as they remember how the young adventurer travelled the world, loving places that were well off the well worn tourist trails and dragging his mates along for the fun.

“To me, he's still away on a trip somewhere, or gone off somewhere. It still doesn't feel final,” says Aishling.

Katie nods in agreement. “You sit over at the grave at Bohermeen Church and you just see the plaque that says ‘in loving memory’, and ‘sadly passed away’. When you read them words, you know, it's just very, very hard. Because he went away for two months last year, and was always off here and there, and you feel like that's just where he is, away.”

They recall the triathlons, trykas, hyroxs and marathons that TJ would run and then barely talk about afterwards, medals pushed into drawers, always onto the next thing.

“He would never even boast about it,” says Katie. Like, mam would say ‘show me your medals’, ‘show me what you won’, and he’d just be like, ‘ah, sure, it’s just another medal’, he'd fire it up in the room, and off he went. And he’d be winning things left, right, and centre.”

Paul proudly recalls a race TJ ran where he turned back to help a fellow competitor who was struggling.

“This chap was lagging behind. TJ turned around and came back to him stayed with him, brought him along. And the man told TJ, 'now you can go on ahead and finish'. ‘No, I'm not’ says TJ, sure aren't I flat out here with you’. And your man knew he wasn't flat out at all and he stayed with him until they finished.”

TJ's travels took him far and wide. Morocco to Egypt, South Africa to Zanzibar and all across Europe. “The more off the beaten track the better for TJ and if there was a mountain to climb somewhere or something that was never done before he’d be like ‘Come on, lads’.

“He’d book the flights. He’d book the trip. And from the minute they got off the plane, he’d have everything in place. For a young lad to have so much sense and independence to be able to do that, it's just crazy. Because I wouldn't be able to do that,” says Katie. “Nothing fazed him.”

TJ's athletic achievements are even more remarkable when Aishling reveals TJ was a Type 1 diabetic. “He was diagnosed when he was 13, and I thought, this is going to affect him for the rest of his life. But if anything, it obviously drove him on, drove him further, it never affected him.”

TJ's funeral was held a week after he died. For those seven heartbreaking days, the arms of the Bohermeen parish gathered up the McDonnells and held them close. Marquees were erected at the front of the home for the hundreds of visitors that would call. Food was constantly arriving, a neighbouring field was transformed into a car park. “These things just started happening,” says Katie.

“We’re so grateful to all who helped with that and Thomas Burke who allowed us the use of his field for additional parking.”

“There are so many people to thank, who helped us,” says Paul. Joe at Leahy's Mace Newgate would just ring up and see what was needed for breakfast each day, Rosita and John in JM Foods and Eddie in Nearby Allenstown, and Geraldine and Kevin in McHugh's pub in Greetiagh, they were all so good.”

Among the little things that meant so much were the hundreds of cards that came from near and far and continue to come. They remain upstanding on the fireplace, the shelves, the sitting room that has become a shrine to the young man who lived life to the full. “We knew he was loved. But, to the extent... Oh my God, never,” says Paul.

That love was reflected in the turnout for an emotional evening in the days after TJ’s loss in Derek Brady Park - home of TJ’s beloved Bohermeen Celtic, where balloons were released in his memory.

“We couldn’t believe the crowds that came out for that, young and old, it meant so much and we are grateful to everyone who came,” says Aishling.

“His friends stayed with him every night when he was here. They did that for TJ. They would sit up telling stories the whole night through, you could hear them giggling. It was their way of involving TJ and ensuring he was never alone,” says Paul.

Katie revealed that the morning after TJ's death she was to sit her final exam to graduate from her three year veterinary nursing course.

“I wasn't going to sit it, but something was telling me, it was definitely TJ. People thought I was mad but I had to do it, you're just on complete autopilot and I'd studied so much for it, so I went and done it, and I did pass it. TJ was definitely with me, he would have been raging with me if I hadn’t done it.”

As she grappled with a grief no parent should have to bear, Aishling had to check TJ's laptop to discover that he had secured the CAO points to study to be a teacher, another target TJ had set his sights on and achieved with apparent ease.

“I don't know if the parish has ever experienced a funeral quite like it, in terms of the sheer numbers, all the clubs and organisations that came,” says Paul.

“The guard of honour was just unbelievable,” continues Katie. “The way it went into all the different clubs and teams. Everybody wanted to be part of it and we were like, would there be space for everybody? We didn't want to leave anybody out.”

The guard of honour included Bohermeen Celtic, St Ultan’s GFC, St Ultan’s Ladies, Causey Farm, Caolan Cole’s Gym, Bohermeen CC, Bohermeen AC, St Pat’s School, Bohermeen NS and Eureka Secondary School.

“We’d like to thank, St Ultan’s/Cortown Gaels, Cortown GFC, Bohermeen Celtic and all who helped with parking and Causey Farm, NGP, Eddie, Skipper & Tomas Coyne, for all their help with the marquees, and everyone else who helped, in case we forgot anyone,” adds Aishling.

“There was just so many and we are so grateful to them all and we need to give a special mention to the Murtagh family and Causey Farm where TJ was a beloved employee and Caolan Cole Gym in Kells. They have been so supportive since the night of the accident, we are extremely grateful,” says Aishling.

TJ's brothers, Ryan and Paul Jnr, Bohermeen Celtic teammates and friends helped shoulder his coffin from Derek Brady Park, ironically named after another beloved Bohermeen man taken far too young, to St Ultan's Church. They all got to carry the young man who had lifted them all up at some point in their lives.

The conversation comes back to that theme of gratitude beginning with the people who first came on the scene and help and stayed with TJ and Cillian until the emergency services arrived. “They really were all amazing, says Paul.

“Father Declan Hurley was so good, he came with me to anoint TJ and that was very hard while Fr Doyle left a retreat he was on down the country and came home early to us and has been so supportive since. Damien Sheridan who sang at the funeral was wonderful. And of course, we had huge help and support from the funeral directors, Peadar and Joey Farrelly and Meath County Council also.”

“To our family, friends, neighbours and colleagues who rallied around and still are, we can never thank them enough and even the complete strangers who came and left condolences and donated to the gofundme page, it has truly meant so much.”

Katie describes how one woman told her TJ's death had ripped the heart out of the whole parish and it struck her just how much TJ meant to so many people.

“There's so many people that he really touched and you do feel like you're not alone and you're not suffering alone, and God love his friends, we know they're really struggling too.”

“Someone at the funeral tweaked the quote where he said: 'Youth is wasted on the young, but it was never wasted on TJ'. It's true. He certainly lived life to the absolute max.”

- A man aged in his 30s was arrested in connection with the hit and run collision that claimed the life of TJ McDonnell. He was subsequently released without charge. A file is being prepared for the Office of the Director of Public Prosecutions.