Clowns to the left, jokers to the right…

Sigmund Freud theorised that human behaviour results from how the mind is organised. He claimed that people frequently let slip notions and ideas from their unconscious through their speech and actions. This Austrian neurologist's theories are often the subject of much debate, with some of his claims admittedly sounding slightly odd; he once carried out a little experiment whereby all the students in one of his lectures were given pens and asked to return them at the end. Apparently, most of the men returned the pens, but most of the women held on to theirs. Freud saw this as support for his notion that ladies are, indeed, envious of certain body parts that men alone possess. Indeed. I don't suppose it ever occurred to him that maybe the women were so taken with the lecture that the small matter of a pen totally slipped their minds; perhaps they were rushing home to care for their families. Or maybe they were all just a bunch of kleptomaniacs. Be that as it may, despite the extreme difference in opinion regarding Freud's work, his ideas can never be fully discarded. And these ideas certainly could go a long way towards explaining why, for the past few days, I have been going about my business humming the Stealers Wheels song, 'Stuck In The Middle', which includes the line: 'Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, Here I am stuck in the middle with you'. If Freud had been born a hundred or so years later, and had a fancy office complete with the famous couch, I might well have decided to pop in for a spot of lunchtime psychotherapy. “So, Mrs McGrath, what seems to be the problem?†Sigismund Schlomo Freud would begin, being very careful to move all pens, pencils and table legs well out of my reach. “Just try to relax, my good lady, and let your mind travel back in time to when this problem first started.†Doing just as I was told, I would let my distressed mind go on a bit of a wander. It would travel through snow and ice, Christmas shopping, Christmas baking, frozen pipes and frozen footpaths. Eventually, it would stop when it reverted to the afternoon of Tuesday 7th December last. Frantically, I would then demand of the doctor, “But what does it all mean?†“Oh, you stupid woman,†Freud would reply, “what the hell do you think it means? What were you watching on TV that so distressed your head? The budget, woman, the budget!†He would go on to explain that my recent dreadful wailing was the result of my subconscious reaction to the budget and the ensuing outcry from certain quarters. And do you know what? The man would be spot on. For there has been endless whinging from two distinct social classes since last Tuesday's announcement: the so-called lower class and the politicians (who really are in a class of their own). Our ministers simply cannot fathom why nobody has an iota of empathy for the pay cut they have taken. Apparently, the poor things have now got to manage on €10,000 less per year. Just remind me, are these the same unfortunate creatures that collect €1,000 a month just to travel to the Dail from their Dublin homes? Most students live and learn on less than this per month. Accordingly, we shall bestow the title of 'Clowns' on these men and women and place them soundly to the left of us. Now let's take a look at the other group to the right of us – the Jokers. Firstly, let me say that in no way can genuinely unemployed, conscientious people be included in this group – these are probably the most tragic victims in this whole mess. No, I refer to those who believe that they have a God-given right to be looked after by the State; not people who are physically or mentally unable to work – those who just don't care to. Those that don't avail of the many back-to-education or back-to-work schemes on offer but hide amongst the genuine victims of the economic crash really are having a joke at our expense whilst distorting the issue of unemployment in Ireland. Even more of a joke are those who would rather spend their dole money on alcohol and drugs and whinge on national television about having nothing left with which to buy food. Granted, an addict is hardly someone to be envied, and a mature, decent society has a duty to help these people – and help them we do. But there is still an onus on this group to take responsibility for their own actions and help themselves. The usual retort to this argument is that the middle class will never know what it is like to live such a life. This is probably true - we simply couldn't afford to.