'As a kinship carer, you are thrown in at the deep end'

Trim woman Anna Rice has shared how her journey as a kinship carer for her grandson has changed her life in ways she could never have imagined but has also highlighted the lack of supports available for those who become kinship carers.

Kinship care is when children are raised by relatives or people well known to them when their parents cannot provide their care and while Anna said kinship care is not a new idea in Ireland, she said the term is relatively new and one that many people are not familiar with.

Just recently Anna was instrumental in setting up a peer support group for local kinship carers which meets monthly in Trim Family Resource Centre. From going from a position where she needed support, she is now using her experience to help others.

“Every family’s story is different, but we share experiences of crisis, loss, worry, love and change. Thousands of kinship families still struggle with recognition, legal status, financial assistance and access to support,” explained Anna.

Those who become kinship carers generally have no prior warning and while the situation is different for everyone, she said quite often the children will come with literally the clothes on their back, yet there is very little support either financial or emotional for those find themselves becoming kinship carers overnight.

For Anna and her husband, they came to care for her grandson through an informal arrangement with her daughter and other than one visit from Túsla she had no other engagement with them nor was she offered any support.

They have been caring for their 15-year-old grandson since he was four. Anna explained that he daughter asked them to take him on as her mental health issues had progressed along with addiction issues and she knew that she wasn't giving him the support and care he needed.

“We had a very close relationship with him anyway because from when he was a week old he used to come and stay with us every Friday night so he spent a good bit of time with us which was great because it helped for when he came to us. There was no huge trauma around him coming as we had a great attachment with him.

“The plan was initially that my daughter was going to try to sort her life out but unfortunately it didn't happen and my grandson remained with us. Initially it was a very difficult journey because I was on my own. We had no involvement with Tusla whatsoever which meant we had no support, we were basically doing it on our own which was difficult. We had no financial assistance. It wasn't until probably nearly a year or more later that I realised you could apply for guardian's payment.

“I had been looking on the internet to see what was available, supports and whatever and I came across an agency called Treoir, and, they told me about guardian's payment and gave me support in that and thankfully we were lucky enough to access it.”

At the moment, Anna told how there are between 10,000 and 12,000 children in kinship care yet only 3,000 of those children's carers are getting financial assistance. She explained that part of the difficulty is that you have to prove that the child has been abandoned and is not seeing the parents.

“Unfortunately if child sees the parent even if its only an hour a week, they will turn it down. It is really unfair because in the foster care system, children and parent relationships are encouraged, but in kinship care, if relationships are encouraged you could be penalised financially.

“It could lead to a situation where a carer might think does the child see its parent or do I get money so I can feed the child.”

When her grandson came to live with them, Anna said she was looking online and came across a UK group called Kinship Care and got great support from the group. There was nothing similar in Ireland so in 2023 she set up the Kinship Care Ireland Facebook group which now has 141 kinship carers.

“Kinship Care Ireland, is fantastic but is manned 9-5 and I wanted somewhere kinship carers could talk to other kinship carers and get support at 10pm at night if they were having a hard difficult day, and find information and things like that,” said Anna.

The first face-to-face peer group started in Hill Street in Dublin City Centre and due to its success, six more followed and just recently three more were established including Trim which meets on the second Friday of every month from 10am to 11.30am in the Trim FRC bungalow.

Kinship Care Ireland was set up in 2020 by Caitriona Nic Mhuiris, who became a kinship carer overnight to her four nieces after her sister passed away.

“Like me, it was an informal arrangement, no support from Túsla, she was a community development worker with the resource centre and her husband was a social worker but they still got no support. She went to all different services to try to get support and eventually through Treoir set up Kinship Care Ireland which has now been running for six years.”

She said kinship care is not a new idea but the term is relatively knew and she wants to raise awareness. “Overall 99 per cent of the time, children thrive being in family care so it is a much better option than foster care because they remain within their families but it is not pushed as much, or people don't know about it.”

She outlined how Kinship Care Ireland are trying to get more supports for kinship carers, not just financial supports but therapeutic supports. “We want to be on a par with foster carers, we want the same services available to our kinship kids as are available to children in foster care, and to kinship carers.” She gave the example that kinship care children are not automatically entitled to a medical card or college grant but foster care children are.

“Anyone that comes into a kinship care situation, is coming with trauma, it's always a traumatic situation. With foster care you know. You train to be a foster carer, you get support and training. You are given time and know you are going to be getting this child. With the nature of kinship care you could get a phone call or a knock on the door to say can you take this child.

“You don't have any prior knowledge that this child is coming to you, quite often they come with the clothes on their back and you have to provide everything that the child needs.

“You are thrown in the deep end. They might have come through very traumatic situations. My grandson wasn't but I know a lot of situations where they were.

“My daughter is in recovery. She still has her mental health issues, but she is trying to build a relationship with her son. Even people hearing our story gives other people hope, with right supports people can change their lives around.”

To find out more about the peer support group contact Trim Family Resource Centre or contact Kinship Care Ireland at info@kinshipcare.ie.