'I like to think that I made the choice to keep going and not lie down'

On the wall in John O'Brien's home is a beautiful painting of a sunrise. It is an image the 36-year-old has drawn inspiration from many times over the years on the tough days. For John, sunrise symbolises hope and a new beginning and it is the name he has chosen for his new counselling and psychotherapy business 'Sunrise Wellness Therapy'.

This month marks the 14th anniversary of the car accident that left John paralysed and his story since that fateful day is a remarkable one of resilience. Yes in the early years after the accident, there was a lot of self-pity and frustration over the things he couldn't do but then something in his attitude changed. Becoming involved in the backroom team with his local Nobber football club gave him a renewed purpose, built his self-belief and John realised that instead on focusing on all he couldn't do, it was time to start thinking about all those things he could do.

He had done courses in sports journalism and sports psychology and found he really liked the area of mental health. He completed a course in social care and counselling and knew he wasn't ready to finish there. The idea of further study in the area of counselling and psychotherapy gnawed at him but so do did the doubts on whether he would be able to overcome obstacles in his way but determination won out and he graduated with a degree in psychotherapy and counselling.

Now the next step on his journey has seen him open up his own practice beside his north Meath home at Lisnagrew on the main road between Nobber and Kingscourt.

Feedback from his clients so far has been very positive and John says he finds the work hugely rewarding. With his own experience of trauma, and living with a disability, he has a deep understanding of these areas but also specialises in grief and loss, depression, anxiety and sports performance.

Chatting with the Meath Chronicle, John speaks openly about the events of that fateful evening on 21st August 2012, the long months in hospital, the challenges he has faced and how his attitude has changed over the years from focusing on what he can't do to what he can do.

John was like any other 22 year old before the accident. Life was good, he was enjoying sports, playing football, going to the gym and swimming. He was just finishing an arts degree in Geography and Economics in Maynooth and was thinking about maybe going down the path of teaching.

" We were playing football at one of the lad's houses in Oristown and decided we would go in to the Valley Cafe for a bite to eat. Then on way in to Navan on the main road is where it happened. There was loose cattle on the road. It was around 10pm.

"I remember spinning in to Navan, seeing the cow too late. I remember the collision. There were two other lads with me. I just remember the shouting and then the ambulance and the fire brigade on the scene. I remember feeling I can't move here. The other two lads were able to get out of the car and I was just like still.

"The airbag was in front of me and I was like why can't I move. It was strange. There were the blue lights. I remember the roof being cut off the car. I was driving a red Toyota Corolla. I remember being lifted and brought into the ambulance and on to Drogheda. I remember the paramedic in the ambulance. I remember looking at him and saying I don't want to die I'm only 22."Even saying that now, it makes you a bit emotional. I'm very lucky, I was unlucky but I was lucky at the same time. Unfortunately the roads are a very dangerous place. I'm one of the lucky ones- I survived."

John spent six weeks in the Spinal Injuries Unit at the Mater in Dublin and eight months in the National Rehabilitation Hospital. He recalled that his arms were jammed in position against his chest, under his chin due to the spinal cord damage. He couldn't speak, couldn't hold his head and was peg fed in the early stages.

"I asked one of the nurses was I going to walk again. I just knew by the way she looked at me. She just said your chances are slim to no chance. Being only 22 and my life ahead of me, it was tough to take. It's hard to put into words. It was just getting by day by day, week by week.

"Now my attitude is way different. I was very sad, I was why me, why did this happen? There was a lot of anger and frustration, did I do something wrong? You kind of blame yourself. There were a lot of mixed emotions initially. You try to see what you can do, but that took time."

While in hospital, a massive fundraising drive swung into action to build a home for John, which is linked to his family home next door with a corridor. It is fully accessible with all the mod cons that allow him live to independently with the help of PAs who come in daily to help him with things most of us take for granted- like getting out of bed, getting dressed, getting washed, preparing meals.

Coming home from hospital was a huge milestone and John still gets emotional when he thinks of how many people donated and wanted to help him, especially when he thinks back to the benefit night held in Cabra Castle in January 2013.

While delighted to be home, adjusting to his new life wasn't easy and he recalls that feelings of sadness, self-pity and anger revolved around his head for a number of years. There were good parts too and with his love of sport he decided to do a diploma in sports journalism and followed this with a diploma in sports psychology.

"I really enjoyed both of them, then I started up a GAA podcast during that period with one of my best friends and really enjoyed that. I did a bit of sports writing with the Hogan Stand too. Those little things got me active, got me out of my comfort zone a wee bit."

"The turning point then was really in 2019 and it comes back to sport again. It was the football club bringing me in and asking me to be part of the senior set up. That really got me out of my comfort zone and the way 2019 went for the team and the lads with them winning the intermediate championship, it was amazing.

"Before that, I would have been conscious of being out. I felt everyone was looking at me. If I went somewhere, I was worrying about how I was going to move around a room. But being part of the football brought me out of my shell."

Around that time, John enrolled in a social care and counselling course in Cavan Institute.

"I started thinking about what I could do, my mind set was changing rather than thinking about what I couldn't do. There was a lot of doubts but I tried to shut them out. I enrolled because I like the mental health side of things and after what I went through, I knew what it was like to feel low and feel bad so I thought let's back this up with a bit of study and see what happens.

"When it finished, I felt I don't want to finish here. I want to do more." Initially he was afraid to commit to the four year course and decided to do a certificate with PCI first and then went on for the degree. John did his work experience with Sosad in Dundalk and while nerve wrecking at first, he really enjoyed putting all he had learnt into practice.

"Just like anything at the start, I was very nervous. I got more confident when I saw I could do it and when you work with people and then you see that you are actually helping them and you are able to help them-you see people grow and change and think I am actually facilitating that. It is an amazing feeling. I was conscious at the start, what would people think when they come into a room and see a wheelchair user but it didn't make any difference. People treated me the same.

John's graduation in November at the Helix was another emotional occasion and he remembers being first up and everyone cheering for him.

"All the doubts that I had, that you can't do these things down the years, that was my own head talking but then just saying I'm going for it, getting through it, and learning a lot about myself along the way because you have to do your own therapy to become a therapist."

While there was a psychologist in the NRH, John says that looking back, he didn't really avail of it. As a 22-year-old young lad, he didn't want to talk. "Then I remember in my mid twenties thinking I need to talk to somebody. I was feeling very low and I remember going and I was beating myself up because I had to go to someone and I nearly felt ashamed.

"It did help and with time, I realised that to talk to somebody is a good thing. It's a hard thing to do to make that step, but it is a good thing to get stuff off your chest and out of your head, no matter who you are and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

"We all need to let off a bit of steam, people go for a run or a jog, and sometimes we need to blurt it out to someone we don't know like a therapist of a counsellor."

John did an entrepreneur course for people with disabilities through with Meath County Council and with support from Employabilty Meath, he recently launching his own practice.

He has given talks to a number of secondary schools telling his story and covering topics like resilience, positivity and overcoming adversity.

"I had a choice, and I still do every day I get up. I could stay in bed if I wanted to but that is not going to anything for me. There are days when you have to do it and that's fine. There are down days, I'm not smiling all the time and that's fine but in general scheme of things, you make the decision. Do you lie down or do you keep going. I like to think that I made the choice to keep going and not to lie down."

More information on John's counselling and psychotherapy business can be found at Sunrisewellnesstherapy.ie.