'He didn’t care how well you played, he just wanted to watch you'

No matter what way you look at her life it’s difficult not to feel a great admiration for Judy Bobbett. What she has achieved and how she has grappled with hard, challenging issues in a mature, open, forthright and inspiring way – in everyday life and sport.

The now 26-year-old, played Gaelic football for Meath winning an All-Ireland MFC medal before going on to earn her senior debut for Ireland in rugby at just 19. She went on to earn three senior caps for her country. She looked set for a long stay in the green jersey.

However she stepped away from all that because of anxiety triggered by the fact that she was part of a large group of people for prolonged spells.

She turned to the more individual-orientated sport of boxing and became a highly accomplished performer inside the confines of a ring; good enough to win a national title and represent Ireland at the World Championships.

She has also carved out a living in sport, gaining the necessary qualifications to land a job as the Director of Rugby in the all-boys school, CBS Monkstown. It’s a job she loves. “I get up every day and I love going to work. I am very fortunate,” she says. She is also working on a masters on elite performance in sport.

Then, at a much more profound, deeper level, it’s difficult not to feel admiration for the way she has faced, head on, her struggles with serious mental health issues in recent years. Struggles that resulted in her spending two different spells in St John of God’s hospital in Dublin.

She tackled her feelings, talked openly about them, and dealt with them, at least to a point now where she says she is in “a much better place.”

There’s also the very courageous way she is wrestling now with the relatively recent passing of her father Charles Bobbett, who was well known in the Ashbourne area and beyond.

Charles came from a farming background. He was a teacher, a former county councillor, a devoted parent, a lover of nature and sport, a man known for his affable and friendly personality and someone who suffered from depression.

Sitting in a busy café in Ashbourne just nine weeks after her father’s passing, Judy talks in a calm, measured way. She talks about how her beloved father had his mental issues but how, his sudden passing, was still “a massive shock” to her and her family.

“We had known about our Dad’s mental health issues for a few years. One thing I will say is that our Dad loved his kids, the five of us, I have two older brothers, then there’s myself and a younger brother and sister.

“He lived his life for us, every other day, fixing my car, going out for a walk, bringing my sister training, he lived for his kids and we noticed a shift in the last few months but there was never an indication this could happen, we were aware he was down but you never think something like this could happen.”

Charles Bobbett was just 58 when he passed away.

PARENTS

Judy Bobbett has seen parents put pressure on youngsters to reach a high levels in the game of rugby. It’s something she abhors, partly because she is aware of the pressure on any young person who has to perform at a high level – not that her parents ever put pressure on her young shoulders.

She feels incredibly fortunate to have grown up under the guidance of her parents - mother Ashling and Charles.

“I never, ever had pressure from my parents growing up, never. Not that I really tried to quit sport but I had to step back from Gaelic football,” she recalls.

“I played for Meath up until 2018 but with that and rugby it was a nightmare. One particular weekend I was playing for Leinster in the interpros on a Saturday and the next day I was in Croke Park with Meath in an All-Ireland Intermediate final. I was wrecked, I was tired and just said I can’t do this anymore. They said which one do you want to do and I said rugby. There were no issues.”

As Ashbourne didn’t have a women’s rugby set-up at the time, Judy turned out for a number of different clubs in Dublin. Her performances as a lock forward drew the attentions of the national rugby selectors. She won her three senior caps before moving away from it all. Again there was no issue.

“I struggled, I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression probably just before Covid and in the high intensity environment of the Irish camp I really struggled.”

The more individual aspect of boxing suited her better at the time. Whatever she did Charles was there, supporting her all the way.

There was an understanding between the pair; a father, daughter empathy that was instinctively understood by both mainly because they were on the same journey. There was no deep discussion about what each of them were going through.

“You know that’s probably a big regret now. I would have struggled for five or six years and I think he struggled with the same stuff as I did.

“We, instead, had our subtle ways of talking about it. It would more a simple ‘How are you doing?’ and it wasn’t ‘How was your day?’ it was more ‘How are you doing?’ We both knew what that meant. That’s how we communicated where as with Mum it would be different. She would ask: ‘How are you doing today? Have you done this? How are you feeling?’”

In time Judy became a central figure in setting up women’s rugby at Ashbourne RFC, along with others such as great clubman Jeff Mahon. Now the women’s sector is thriving with various teams at different levels up and running.

No matter what she did, whether on the playing or coaching fronts, Judy always felt the full support of her Dad, who was a passionate supporter of Ashbourne RFC.

“He spent 20 years watching myself and my sister (Katieanne who has also represented Leinster) play rugby but he didn’t know the rules of a ruck, he didn’t care.

“ I could have knocked on 20 times during a game and I would walk off and he would say ‘You played great.’ He didn’t know or care about the rules, he was just there to watch and support and chat. That summed him up. He didn’t care how well or how bad you played, he just wanted to watch you.”

Judy knows her Dad was immensely proud of her when she played for Leinster and Ireland – and she wants to have another shot at playing rugby at a high level. It’s part of her way of honouring Charles’ memory; of grappling with her grief.

At 26 time is still on her side. “I don’t know how competitive and how good I would be but the desire would be there, to try and go back,” she adds with conviction.

There are other ways she wants to remember her Dad. “He was a true gentleman, kind, caring, a really good person. Sometimes when you are young you resist your parents but I would like to incorporate his values into my life going forward. I would like to go back to rugby for him and for me.”

Something else Judy is going to do is participate in the Darkness into Light walk on the morning of the 9th May as part of a fund-raising effort for the support service Pieta House. This year the walk in Ashbourne is dedicated to Charles Bobbett’s memory as well as others.

“The big fear when someone dies is that their name will be forgotten so the walk is something nice to mark the occasion as sad as it is. The walk is done every year at the rugby club and on this particular occasion is dedicated to Dad, so for us it is really special. To raise funds for a wonderful charity is really special as well.”

Another reason for admiring Judy Bobbett and how she has somehow found a certain positivity, certain light, in what is a very difficult, dark time for her and her family.