‘My sadness and grief will always be with me but I decided to move forward by helping others’

A Navan woman has told of how losing her husband after a shock diagnosis inspired her to become a celebrant.

Anne Hyland lost "love of her life" husband Noel Hyland in 2017 after he was diagnosed with bowel cancer. Together for 29 years Anne admits that the grieving process was often hard to cope with but the recently ordained OneSpirit Interfaith Minister says she found solace in being a part of other people's key moments in life.

The St Finian's Terrace resident who paid tribute to Noel by creating a stole, a vestment for ceremonies, out of material from her hand made wedding dress says she felt her husband was by her side on the day she was ordained.

"Noel grew up in St Patrick's Terrace, we met in Jersey in The Channel Islands and there was a real connection from the moment we met," said Anne. "We grew together, I was only 21 then, we were together 29 years and he was only 56 when he died.

"From diagnosis to him passing was literally two months, he died at home with me. When he got the diagnosis he chose not to have chemo, he said I'm going to spend more time doing chemo than extend my life so let's just get on with it, that was his way.

"The night he died there was a sense of achievement, I know that sounds really weird but together we got him through those two months with dignity, without feeling pain, he was where he wanted to be that was more important to him and me than anything."

Anne says she has accepted that grief will be a part of her life forever but her challenges in life spurred her on to help others.

"I miss him everyday, when I lost my mum last February it all came rollercoastering out again," she said. Mum would have been the one I phoned on sad days because she lost my dad.

"My grief will always be with me, my sadness will always be with me," she said. "I'm in acceptance that that is the way things are, there is no amount of anger that is going to bring him back. I decided to move forward by helping others."

The Navan resident originally from the UK is also a volunteer leader and part time regional development officer with the Irish Girl Guides. It was a friend who was undertaking the same two-year course to become a Solemniser, a person who can perform a legally binding wedding ceremony, who introduced her to the idea. It came at a time when Anne was considering enrolling in a four-year counselling and psychotherapy degree course.

After losing her husband to cancer the newly ordained minister says she felt in her heart that "this was just the right thing for her. "

"It felt that things were coming together," she said. “I loved the ceremonies in guiding, enjoyed counselling others and also this was a positive direction for my love to flow.

"Community has always been a part of me and for many years, I've enjoyed learning about other cultures and faiths.

I have a love of ceremony, it’s where the magic happens, that warm tingly feeling, that sense of being connected. I am a real romantic at heart; and have always been someone who is open to listen to others."

As Minister, Anne can undertake to serve as the celebrant for ceremonies; provide spiritual, bereavement or relationship counselling; offer end of life support youth and community work and chaplaincy services.

It is optional to wear a stole for ceremonies but Anne wears hers that was created by her 82-year-old Godmother out of material from her wedding dress with pride.

"They are quite expensive and a lot of them I was looking at on Etsy were made out of shot silk and my wedding dress was made out of shot silk. It actually wasn't a dress it was a jacket and skirt made by a school friend from a kit that cost 100 pounds. I had seen a pattern for one and my godmother who is in her 80s is really crafty and she offered to make me one.

"It made the day all the more special."

Anne’s mother, who sadly passed away last February 2022, had devoted 50 years to Guiding in the UK. She had always taught her daughter from a tender age that a Girl Guide thinks of others before herself and does a good turn everyday. “That’s what being a Minister means to me,” she said.

An Interfaith Minister is not affiliated to any particular church, religious or spiritual tradition. She has no assigned parish or post and she can provide ministerial services for and with people from all faiths and no faith, without boundaries.

Anne says she endeavours to explore what each person would like for their ceremony so that it is unique for them. “I am open minded and non-judgemental, and I feel my role as a minister is also to provide a space for people to be seen, heard, and supported to explore their relationships, their life or their faith, at any stage, with compassion,” she explains.