Terror is not an aphrodisiac, lads...especially in this weather

I will be the first to admit that there are some things men do better than women. Despite the hysterical, often completely unreasonable claims from feminist quarters, men are, indeed, better at some things than women; nature just made it so. For example, if I happened to be on the 10th floor of a burning building and had the choice between a male firefighter and a female firefighter attempting to rescue me, I don't really think scoring one for the sisterhood would even enter my frazzled little mind. I would want the biggest, strongest firefighter around - and no, most likely, this would not be someone with ovaries. Survival – particularly when one has young of the species - really is most people's top priority. That is why I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why so many women refuse to drive in the snow and get a man to drive them instead. Good God. A man plus snow equals the greatest display of bravado known to mankind, womankind or whateverkind. Granted, there are some aspects of driving that men usually perform very well; but, the poor creatures are invariably controlled by the imperative to impress any female that happens by. Therefore, the notion that they, their vehicle and the poor woman could all end up somersaulting off the road into a snow drift two fields away couldn't possibly occur to them. By the way, we can double this generalisation for Irish men. A few snowflakes and a touch of frost? Sure, that's just woman stuff.... And it certainly didn't bother some of the men I met driving this past week – most were speeding, some were talking on mobiles. One even waved to me whilst speeding – sideways - and chatting on his phone. It really is a comforting thought that, if he did kill me, he would have done so politely. His mother really should be proud. So many of our menfolk fancy themselves as a combination of an Ice Road Trucker and Don Juan. Although it's normally not a wonderful idea to make gentlemen too privy to the inner workings of the female mind, I will let you in on one little fact – terror is not an aphrodisiac. When a woman falls at your feet following a death-defying jaunt, it's not amore; it's not passion; it's not lust. It's a fear-induced loss of consciousness. All women want is to live with a sense of assurance and peace – or just to live, really. Granted, if a vehicle does happen to slide off the road, then by all means, call a man – they are good at all that lifting and pulling business. But chances are it was a man who put it there in the first place. Women, after all, are not out to impress anyone with our disregard for ice and snow – a vehicle, and the way we handle it, is not a symbol of our geniality. Another thing that fails to impress us ladies (and anyone else who has a will to live) is the way in which our Department of Transport tends to approach the problem of winter weather in winter. Now, if this snow happened to fall from the sky in July or August, these fine people could be excused for being caught off-guard. But this is winter. We live on an island. Precipitation of some sort could hardly be considered anomalous. Okay, as it's Christmas time and we are supposed to extend goodwill to all men and all that malarkey, let's just go with the argument that Ireland doesn't usually experience such Arctic-like conditions. However, no amount of mulled wine or eggnog could make us oblivious to the insane amount of rain that falls on this land. And when this rain threatens to wash us all away to sea, are we ready for it? Never – so how could we possibly be ready for snow? The past few years have seen so much flooding in Ireland that snorkel gear has become a common household item for many unfortunate people. Despite all our civil servants, all our Defence Forces personnel and all our experience with rain and flooding, we are still ill-prepared for such disasters. Ordinary people are left to help themselves and their neighbours while Government gombeens stand around with such surprised looks on their faces that they resemble over-zealous Botox junkies. So if this snow and frost continues, we will all just have to get used to it. It is totally pointless to expect the authorities to ever figure this one out. And, in the meantime, ladies, remember that we do many things better than men – and driving in the snow is definitely one of them.