Family ties

Here's Lucy: My Depression Experience

May is Mental Health Month 2016. Everybody is advised to open up and share our feelings during this Month. Do you want to take a look into my life a bit closer? Here it goes.

 How does it feel to live with a mental illness?

There is a difference between depression with a little ‘d’ – which we all get – and depression with a big ‘D’. Depression with a little ‘d’ is a natural response to having a bad day or hearing sad news. Depression with a big ‘D’ is when your whole energy and concentration is down and you are struggling to focus. Yes, depression hit me long before I knew it.

It was late November 2014. I was in my final year in College in DKIT. I was determined I would get through the year with no fails, trying to get assignments handed in and preparing for my final exams, run a house and take care of my one month old baby girl, Molly.

I was only 23 years young with a wonderful partner, dad and two brothers to support me. For me, coping with a newborn baby without my late mam in my own words was very isolating and upsetting, I felt I was missing a huge part of my life at this stage.

Mam wasn’t there to share her funny experiences raising us, tell me how she dealt with tough situations and to guide me. I felt alone, I needed my Mam.

I thundered on with everyday life with a smile and held all of my feelings behind a big brick wall, which was my face.  It was only weeks before I broke down and cried for what I thought was no reason to my dad. The feeling of sadness, tiredness, paralyzed with anxiety and the feeling of everything was a huge effort no matter how small or big was REAL.

I was struggling to the extent I couldn’t get the energy to get up out of bed. Talking was still the last thing I could do because I didn’t know what was happening.

I was 23, I was looking at people my own age out partying, having fun while I felt I had so much going on, I knew bed wasn’t an option at this time. I kept motoring. Talking about feelings and that inner self would risk exposure. I might lose the control I had over what people could see of me. This wasn’t a conscious thought - it was instinctive. Depression can be a very physical experience with extreme fatigue in body and mind.

At that time, I made a huge decision to go into my GP. I didn’t even know why I was going into see her until she asked me why I was there. From that moment, the anxious words sailed out of my mouth. I let out my feelings, let down the brick wall and from that day on I will not look back. I was battling depression since 2012 but I was bottling up my feelings which caught up on me in the end. Hiding things all the time and presenting a calm face to everyone is no easy thing to do, I was broken. It’s not easy to admit I felt this way but there.

Depression is a very common condition which affects more than 450,000 people in Ireland at any one time. Any of us, irrespective of age, gender or background can be affected at some point in our life.  To help battle these feelings I try to fit in some form of exercise in when I can as this lifts my mood immediately and reduces stress and anxiety. I make the effort to eat a balanced and nutritious diet since Operation Transformation as this helps my mood 100%. When I eat sugary foods it leads to a sharp energy and mood slump. Who wants that? Not me. 

I used to be able to drink alcohol and wake up with no feelings of edginess and uneasiness, not anymore. Alcohol is a depressant and can prove a potent trigger to low mood, especially in individuals prone to depression.  I try to get adequate rest and sleep at night as this helps me function a lot better each day.

You don’t need to be an expert to start talking about mental health or have all the answers. Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do is to let someone know that you are there for them and simply listen.

Sometimes you think you have lots of friends in life, for me I knew who I could turn to and who was there for me. I try to avoid all people with negativity as much as possible, it might seem selfish but it’s the best thing to do for yourself.

This week I took part in Darkness into Light, Navan. There were hundreds and hundreds of people out at 4am ready to rock the 5km. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I joined so many people at that hour to help support Pieta House. I am glad I was a part of this huge community to help support people who lost their loved ones and for people who are currently suffering.

This week’s blog is quite different, I know. However, its Mental Health Awareness Month. It’s not about the scales and digits, for me, it’s Mental Health. Once you are in a good frame of mind everything else will fall into place. I am glad to say I am on the other side now & know how to prevent the feelings. Remember, you have to take the first step to try overcome it before it eats you up.

I hope this helps someone out there battling, it’s not easy but it is your move to help change it.

 Love Lucy x