Meathman's Diary: Are we killing our carers with their love?

There's a line at the end of the 1999 movie 'The Green Mile' when gentle giant inmate John Coffey (Michael Clarke Duncan), moments before his execution, tells prison guard Paul Edgecomb (Tom Hanks): "He killed them with their love. That's how it is every day, all over the world". It's a heartbreaking irony of how love can be used as a weapon.

Is that how it must feel for the thousands of carers across the country, selflessly sacrificing their own lives and liberty to keep the ones they love most dearly at home with them, while the state steps back and gaslights 'keep going, you're doing great'.

Two weeks ago this newspaper shared the story of an "exhausted" North Meath couple, devastated and desperate after being left without a HSE carer to help look after their 93 year-old bed-bound father suffering with dementia.

The elderly man's regular carer took annual leave with the couple informed by the HSE that a replacement was not available to take up the allotted 17-20 hours per week.

It was bad enough that two carers were actually sanctioned by the HSE to work together to lift, wash, clean, dress and feed their frail father yet they only ever had the 'luxury' of one meaning a family member always had to take the lead. Now they were left with nobody and nothing to do but suck it up until the carer returned from leave.

Since then we have been contacted by many other tired, lonely and isolated carers sharing their stories of quiet devotion under intolerable stress and an overwhelming sense of abandonment.

An 82 year-old Meath woman, caring for her husband of 50 years, told us how it takes two carers to assist with his dressing, cleaning and changing yet she is never sure if one or both will turn up and since the start of the year more than 30 visits have seen just one carer call, meaning she has always got to be there to assist. No respite, no escape, no choice but to keep going. Three 30-minute visits with two carers calling is all she gets, only she doesn't even get that. Christ, these people deserve better.

There is a Green Mile of stories of people, so many of them elderly, stoically nursing and minding and caring for loved ones and sadly, that won’t stop no matter how many hours of their home support they see taken away. They can't walk away and they don’t have the time or energy to shout for help.

Is it that the powers that be know this full well? Are we killing these people, thousands of them, with their love? Maybe John Coffey gave a better sense if it...

"I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?"

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The Meath Chronicle has put a number of queries to the HSE in relation to Home Care Support in Meath and we will be reporting on the findings.

If you have a story you would like to share please email gavan.becton@meathchronicle.ie