Transgender woman praises home town of Kells for its love and support

A TRANSGENDER woman has praised the people of Kells for their support and acceptance since coming out three years ago. 

Rachel Rathbone (48) who was born male is now legally female and has changed her name by deed poll says the only thing holding her back is the battle to access transgender health care.  

Devastatingly Rachel attempted to take her own life in 2016 due to being unable to get the care she needed. 

The brave Kells woman has been on a waiting list to access transgender healthcare for over two years and with no end in sight describes having “no choice” other than to start self-medicating. 

Rachel who was previously married and has two grown-up children came out to her family and the community in 2017 says that she knew she was a girl trapped in a male body 'as far back as she can remember.'

She describes what it was like growing up trapped in the wrong body.

 “It wasn't that I thought I was different, in my mind I was a girl. 

"It was back in the 1970s and you are brought up with images of brimstone and fire and hell so I genuinely thought that I was the only person that ever was born in human history like this and so I kept it a secret.

“I got really badly bullied in school for being different. 

“Physically it was tough, I was beaten up so badly once that I had to go to a hospital, mentally it made me strong and hard inside and made me try and repress my feelings about myself and try to fit in.

“Throughout my childhood, my parents would buy me boys’ toys for Christmas and I'd always get an action man which I didn't mind because I used to collect material from spare old clothes and anything I could find and I had a sewing kit and hid it under my bed so I'd rid of all the camouflage and make little outfits for the doll and I'd get strands of wool and glue it to the head so it would have long hair. 

 

“It's an Oasis for me here in Kells in a big bad world."

“Once I found a Cindy doll's head in a pile of rubbish and it was like I had found gold, I couldn't wait to get home, I washed it, it was tatty but I combed the hair and I stuck it on to the action man.”

During her teenage years, Rachel, who describes herself as a straight woman, attempted to conform and had a number of girlfriends to be seen as 'normal'. 

“I had suppressed my feelings so deep down inside that I believed that I had managed to live that conformed life and what society expects from you. But at 14 I also didn't know what I could do about it. I didn't even know what transgender was. 

“I remember doing a summer job and I was making the tea I remember seeing a newspaper article with a beautiful transgender woman on the front page, she was so glamorous and I read it and thought oh my god this is me, I have a name for who I am, what I am and how I feel, I'm not the only only one in the world. 

“The lads came in for their tea and picked up the paper and said some horrible things about her. From one second my heart being elated and I was free, to a big rock being thrown at me and flattening me back to earth. I thought if this is what people's attitudes are, I can never come out.

Eventually, I just conformed and stepped into line and I got married and had two children. 

“I was so jealous of my wife to be on our wedding day because I wanted to be the one wearing the dress!” 

“I did try to hint to my wife and tell her but never had the courage when we were together. We broke up but we are still the best of friends. We see ourselves as sisters.

The 2015 equality referendum finally gave Rachel the strength she needed to come out as she explains. 

“The Gender Recognition Act came into play in 2015 so I could declare myself as female at last. I'm legally female now in Ireland even in a court of law. 

“I came out in 2017. It was very scary, you are kind of playing Russian Roulette, you think who is going to be the first to desert me. 

"I woke up one morning and I said no this is it now and I got every piece of clothing that I had of the old me, put it in all in bags and put it into the clothing bank.

“I released myself from 46 years of hell that I can't describe or don't want to even think about too much. 

“For me, I was cross-dressing my whole life and now I have stopped. 

“I am so lucky that my friends and family support me. 

Long waiting lists for hormone replacement therapy and gender-related surgery is one of the greatest issues facing transgender people in Ireland today according to Rachel.

“In 2016 I went to the GP and said I'm transgender and I'd like help and she told me that I'd have to go to England to do that. I was so devastated that I went home and tried to kill myself. I didn't want to go on. 

“I was given the wrong information but because a lot of transgender people are hidden doctors don't get to see us or treat us. 

“After almost two years of trying, I finally went onto the gender clinic’s list at Loughlinstown in 2017. I was told that there was a 17-month waiting list but I'm still waiting 30 months later.  

“Most modern western countries use an informed consent model so I'd just go to my doctor and fill out the form and then I'd be started on hormones, speech, therapy and counselling if I needed it.

 “Here I have to wait on a list and seek permission.”

“I started self-prescribing hormones because I was ready to take that step.

 “I had 46 years to think about it and for me enough was enough, it was do or die quite literally.”

“I guess you could say that I feel deformed in this body and always have since puberty. 

 “I grew up seeing other women and always felt envious, and although maybe it didn't make sense I always compare myself to them and feel sad.”

The mum of two has started a GoFundMe campaign to help with the cost of surgery but stresses that it is not a vanity project but something that is a “vital part” of her healing process. 

Rachel says that as part of her transition she also envisages having several other surgical procedures including gender reassignment that she hopes to fund herself in the future.

“My yearly income is €10,556 and my expenses of transitioning cost me almost € 5,500 per year which does not leave me any space to save for surgeries, for example, the €5,500 I am hoping to raise for breast surgery. I don't want to have to ask anyone for help but I have no choice. 

“The stress and anxiety got so bad that at stages I was self-harming but I now have that under control. Because I am self-medicating  I feel that I can manage it much better and in general, my life feels like it has come together for the first time ever.

The Kells woman says the battle to access health care is the 'only problem in her life. '

“It's an Oasis for me here in Kells in a big bad world. 

"My life here is brilliant. I feel like I am the luckiest transgender person in Ireland.

"I'm just one of the girls in the town now.”