DEAR CLARE: My mother wants to meet up now, 30 years after walking out on me

Dear Clare,
I hope you can help. My mother walked out on me and my younger sister when we were four and two years old and never got in touch again. My father reared us and he did a brilliant job. My sister and I are now in our thirties. Dad died three months ago, leaving me and my sister well looked after. And last week a letter arrives from our mother in Coventry! She wants to meet us. I’ve hidden the letter and haven’t told my sister, it would upset her. But I think my mother’s after money. 
Should I reply?

You could very well be right. But you’ve got to give her the benefit of the doubt. First thing you must do is tell your sister, even if she’s upset she’s entitled to know. Second thing is contact your father’s solicitor – urgently. If your parents were still legally married when your father died, it could be messy. This is a heartbreaking time, but you need to protect yourselves. If it turns out that money is not her motive, then you should still prepare for some emotional upheaval. Try to be strong. And don’t respond to the letter without legal advice.

Dear Clare,
I’ve just moved into an apartment with two friends and already the nosy neighbours are annoying us. We play the music and the TV too loud. We have too many people calling, especially late at night. We’re putting the wrong things into the shared bins. But last night we had a party and they called the cops on us. The garda was nice and just told us to keep it down but who do the neighbours think they are? And it’s not just one of them, there’s at least four different neighbours complaining now.

I think you’ve answered your own questions! You may very well be too loud for your neighbours. Apartments were once for singles, but that’s no longer the case. Most apartments now house families and even elderly couples. They’re also notoriously badly built, usually without adequate acoustic panelling. Your neighbours are entitled to a quiet life, for sure. But you and your friends are also entitled to have fun! I think you should try finding somewhere a little out of town with less immediate neighbours. Then you can party your nights away. If you can’t manage that, then I suggest you party in venues other than your own.

Dear Clare,
My life is in shreds. I’ve just lost my boyfriend of over ten years, I’m in a dead end job going nowhere and I’m definitely suicidal. I have very few friends, most of them in Dublin and I moved down to Meath for work. But I hate my work and I hate being nice to people. I’m at my wit’s end here, just want to stop it all. I bought an outlet pipe for a clothes dryer so I could do it in the car. 

Well, first of all, you have my email. If you email me with a phone number we can talk. But, I’d strongly suggest you call the Samaritans number which 116 123. 
Life’s a series of peaks and troughs and you are definitely in a trough. I am not going to roll out all the platitudes about how fun life is. It’s not fun, it’s really hard and even harder for more sensitive souls. But it has its moments and they can be truly beautiful. Unmissable. 
Please take a second to think of your family, your friends and loved ones. Think of the terrible destruction a suicide brings. I once was close to someone whose brother killed himself. His entire family was, and still is, utterly destroyed. 
Take care.

Each week Clare Conroy offers advice on love, relationships, family, kids, careers, cats and any other problems you need help with. Contact Clare@meathchronicle.ie