No longer caught in the headlights: learning to live with a stammer

Pat Conlon compares having a stammer to standing on a road watching the headlights of a car approach and not knowing whether to move left or right - and he should know. For most of his 47 years, Pat has struggled with the condition. Like an unwanted shadow, it was there with him wherever he went. And while he has gone on to live a full life, the impediment has undermined him in subtle but definite ways. Now the father of two has learned to overcome his stammer and to articulate his thoughts in a 'normal' way; to speak without feeling fearful he won't get the words out. Now a minor task such as answering the telephone is no longer the major problem it once was. The Kildalkey resident, who works at Tara Mines in Navan, has benefited from the McGuire Programme, which is designed specifically for people with a stammer. The programme originated in the United States and has been subsequently used by sufferers in many other parts of the world. With a regime of breathing exercises accompanied by a 'psychological aspect', Pat Conlon has now learned to express himself. Eager to spread the message he has - along with Sharon Gavillet - set up a support group in Meath for people who have a stammer. The group meets regularly at Dowdstown House. With no worthwhile speech therapy available to adults in this country, Pat believes something needs to be done to help those who suffer from this condition. Not that it has been easy for him. He had tried everything, including hypnosis. Nothing worked, until he discovered the McGuire Programme in 2009 - although he emphasises that even this is not a "quick fix." He also attended a four-day course in Galway based on the McGuire principles. If there is one message Pat Conlon wants to get across, it is that there is no magic cure for people with a stammer. Just a way controlling the condition utilising those breathing and psychological exercises. He still has "bad days" when it can be difficult to formulate what he needs to express. Thankfully, for him, the bad days are now few and far between. Agreeing to an interview with the Meath Chronicle, or any other media outlet, is something he couldn't even have contemplated two or three years ago. The fact that he did is an indication of his progress in dealing with the condition. He is happy to acknowledge that, but is also mindful that nothing can be taken for granted dealing with a stammer. It's on ongoing struggle. Originally from Ballivor, Pat Conlon says he developed the stammer at around seven years of age. He doesn't know what triggered it or why he developed it. "No-one knows what causes stammering. Different people have said it's genetic. There was never any stammering in my family; some people say it's a psychological thing, no-one knows," he explains. During his school days, Pat had to put up with the sly remarks and the sniggers as he tried to speak or read aloud in the classroom, although such experiences were more the exception than the rule. Teachers were supportive - and students as well. Over the years, he has learned to hide the stammer. He employed certain words instead of others. Such strategies allowed him to get involved in community groups and to give expression to his thoughts. It would have been easy to stay in the background and away from people as much as possible. He didn't want to do that, and was determined not to let the condition limit his horizons. He found employment with NEC in Ballivor as a factory operator and, around 2000, he went for a job at Tara Mines. He got through the interview without much difficulty and landed the position. "I was probably very good at hiding my stammer," he says. "If, for instance, you have a problem on a word, you become very good at substituting that word for something else. I would have had problems saying a word like, for example, 'settee'. I would maybe substitute that word with 'couch'." He points out that those with stammers face specific challenges in the course of a normal day that can trigger the condition. He talks about how those with a stammer tend to have a problem with people in authority, possibly a teacher, a dictatorial supervisor or "a not-so-nice manager". Even kind, well-meaning people, can trigger a negative response. "Somebody who finishes your words, even though they mean good by it, all that can put pressure on you." He says he was fortunate to have worked in places like NEC and now Tara Mines where he has found support and understanding. People with stammers, he point out, are generally happy to stay where they are, reluctant to move out of their comfort zone. "People who don't have a stammer also probably like to stay in their comfort zone but they can move out of it quicker then a person with a stammer," he adds. At 19, Pat married Ann, a girl who grew up close to his own home, so he had known her well before he popped the question. They have a son, Patrick, and a daughter, Nicole. The support provided by his wife and children has been a massive, even vital, help to Pat through the years. They helped him make the right choices when those once familiar headlights appeared on the horizon. * The Meath support group for those with a stammer will hold an open day on Tuesday 22nd May in the Ardboyne Hotel, Navan, from 7.30pm to 8.30pm. For further information, contact Pat on (086) 873 7025 or Sharon (086) 856 6293 or log onto www.stammering.ie