Men don't have a monopoly on domestic violence

Tom arrives home from yet another night out with the lads. Not able to hold his drink, he staggers across the room with just a sideward glance at his wife, Mary. He tries to speak, but all that comes out of his mouth is a mumbling of gibberish soon followed by the contents of his stomach. He looks disgusting, smells repulsive and sounds hideous. Mary has had enough of this bullshit. Why should she have to accept such carry-on? Her blood boils, she grabs the barely cool iron and lets it rip at the sleeping eyesore on the couch. Still raging, she lunges at her husband, hitting, scratching, kicking. That will teach him. Who do you think is the victim here, Tom or Mary? Some may believe it to be Tom, but I am willing to bet that a lot of sympathies will lie with the long-suffering wife. You might argue that she is dead right not to put up with this treatment and that she is scoring one for the sisterhood into the bargain. Retold with a bit of imagination, this story could even be rip-roaringly funny. OK, so let's flip this scenario on its head and see how it reads: Mary arrives home from a night out with the girls - drunk. Shoes covered in God knows what, her lovely blouse drizzled with curry sauce, her smudge-proof mascara not exactly doing what it says on the tin. The sight of her infuriates Tom - this has got to end. Iron goes flying, followed by fist and then boot. Could this version ever sound funny? Do you believe Tom has the right to hit his wife, and if so, would you be brave enough to say so out loud? Never in a million years. In our society, it is completely unacceptable for men to hit women; alas, the reverse is not the case. One of the most blatant anomalies of our times is that women demand equality, but only some of the time, and in certain situations - only when it suits us really. And one area in which we demand preferential treatment is that of violence. Furthermore, society is all too willing to give it to us. The fairer sex is simply not held accountable for our physical and emotional abuse to the same level that men are. A new programme for abusive men, called 'Move', starts in Navan next month. Brilliant. But is this not addressing only half the problem? The organisers of this programme are undoubtedly doing wonderful work, and the men who attend it are to be congratulated for their recognition of, and willingness to change, their behaviour. Feeling left out, I made a few phone calls and enquired where I could find such a service should I feel the need to sink my nails into someone's flesh. I might as well have been looking for a Premiership footballer who doesn't have a local prostitute on speed dial! Oddly enough, there is also a helpline in Navan called from the group Amen that supports male victims of domestic abuse. Now I am ready to pull my own hair out - why, oh why, are we not openly and vigorously addressing female violence? Perhaps we think that, given men's superior strength and size, their violence is more harmful. Poppycock. The greatest pain suffered by victims of domestic violence is often the emotional injury rather than the physical. More times than not, the body will heal a lot faster than the mind. Can the mistrust, the palpable venom, the knowledge that someone who claims to love you yet sets out to harm you ever go away? And if men win the gold medal for physical prowess, we women leave them standing when it comes to emotional manipulation. When it comes to emotional agility, women are world-class athletes while men are morbidly obese sloths. No doubt, Mother Nature was in a bit of a dark humour when she gifted us with the ability to completely control men with a few strategic actions and well-chosen words - quite entertaining. But when we decide to use this brain power in warfare, watch out. Just look at how some bitter, twisted mothers use their children to severely punish their ex-partners. None of us would have to look too far beyond our own front door to find a man who is denied access to his children simply because mommy dearest fancies a bit of revenge. Strange, isn't it, that feminists insist that there is no difference whatsoever between men and women, apart from a few biological protrusions and indentations, yet gladly play the weak woman card when it comes to domestic violence. If society is serious about addressing domestic violence, we need to be a little less politically correct and acknowledge that men do not have a monopoly in this area.