THE INSPIRE INTERVIEW Discovering the road to wellness

When does the tipping point come? When do you decide that enough is enough, if the direction your life is taking is leading you blindly towards oblivion? For Navan native Mags Bellew the warning signs and red flags were coming thick and fast, she just didn’t see them, didn’t want to acknowledge them, wouldn’t let them in. When reality inevitably bit, it bit hard. 

She takes up the story from 2001 when, newly qualified from college in taxation and legal studies she launched straight into the world of high finance, working in hedge funds in Dublin and eager to make headway up the corporate ladder.
“Everyone was wearing suits, working in nice offices, shiny boardrooms, it was all so glamorous, I thought ‘this is exactly what I want’. When I started working the Celtic Tiger was in full swing, we were able to go online on Thursday book flights, and be in Paris on a Friday. It was a time when it seemed nothing was beyond you.”

(Mags at home with husband Fran, and her boys. Pics Enda Casey).

Mags would meet her husband Fran, working in the same industry, and with the housing market in full boom the couple bought a house in Navan.
“After getting married in 2004, I remember thinking they were going to be looking closely at me now wondering when the babies would be coming along so I decided, as a lot of women I think feel, I’d need to work even harder to get up that ladder to get to a good place in my career before I’m pushed aside because children have come along.”
And Mags did climb; administrator to supervisor to senior managerial roles and with it came the pressures, managing clients, seed capital and global portfolios. It wasn’t long before those red flags began to wave.
“At that time of my life around 2007, I started to have an ear infection, then a few weeks later it would be a throat infection or chest infection. I just figured that I was tired, working too late. I was in a position where I was being noticed in work and comments were being made that my work was good so I was just going to keep going.”
Antibiotics and pereverance would keep the niggling ailments at bay - even on sick days Mags would manage the morning conference calls and write lengthy presentations. “I couldn’t see the warning signs. I’d take the Berocca and start the day and keep going but gradually, workloads started to increase and I just started to get this feeling of being overwhelmed.
“I had a huge stick out to beat myself with because I felt I should be able to handle these situations.
“Then I started to lose my hearing, everything became muffled in the office and at meetings. I stopped sleeping at night and getting up at 4am to work on projects because if I did that it would give me a head start on the day.”
By now Mags and Fran had moved to Laytown to make the Dublin commute by rail, unaware that she herself was about to come off the tracks. 
“I would get on the train into Dublin and into work completely exhausted, dosed up on coffee and sugary snacks just to keep going. The word ‘trapped’ came into my head - I had this sensation of just being trapped.
It all came to a head when Mags was doing a presentation for a client and felt her face flush and heart rate soar.

“I couldn’t speak, my mouth went bone dry. My instinct was just to run. I had to rush to the bathroom. I remember being in the cubicle trying to get my breathing right and I just blacked out,” she recalls.
Bizarrely, Mags recovered her composure and even managed to finish her presentation but the turning point had been reached. She was suffering from panic attacks. Days later she found she couldn’t get out of the bed, couldn’t move. “I had no coping mechanism for these things that were happening to me. 
“One of the toughest things I’ve ever had to do was go to the doctors because I knew it wasn’t physical, it wasn’t for an ear infection or chest infection, it was all to do with what was happening inside my head and I felt I would be carried out of the doctors surgery and away and put in somewhere,” she explains.
“All I can say is that the doctor was so kind and understanding. She sat with me and helped me tackle the problems without the need for medication. I needed to understand what this was I was going through and not to just use medication to get through it. She looked at me as a whole person, as Mags Bellew. She was my first introduction to wellness because she took this different approach. She asked me what I wanted rather then telling me what to do.”
Recovery for Mags and a road to wellness began with just being able to get up in the mornings and feel good, to walk down to the end of the road and walk back and overcome the shame of wondering what people would think.
“I think this is where I learned self-compassion, and put that stick I used to beat myself with far, far away. It was very much day to day and small steps. Fresh air, getting outside, drinking more water, listening to music, learning to meditate. It took a while to get to that point, it wasn’t weeks, I was off work for eight months. With the help and support of my wonderful family and friends I got through this”
During her recovery, Mags became pregnant and did briefly return to work, but the arrival of baby Daniel, now aged seven, brought new perspective. “I did look at going back into the office and met with my director who told me when I returned from maternity leave that I was going to have to ‘hit the ground running’. The only place I was running was out the door.”
If walking away from a good career was terrifying, embarking on a completely new one was exhilarating. 
“I had to strip everything back and decide what I was going to do with myself. What would I like to do if money wasn’t an issue? What did I want to be when i was a kid? What were my burning ambitions before they were affected by bills and mortgages or family? I loved sport and wanted to make it my career. 
A course through the University of Limerick started a new chapter in Mag’s life - she qualified as fitness instructor in 2011.

She started off working on ‘Couch to 5Km’ programmes with Meath Local Sports Partnership. “It was all new and I could see clearly see the people who lacked self confidence and felt vulnerable. I could really relate to this. So I knew the road was to praise them for every success. Here I was helping them achieve their goal, to run their first 5km. The rewards came through pure joy and exhilaration at the finish lines. They felt empowered and I felt a real sense of purpose. This is when I knew I had made the right decision in my work life.” Mags has worked with numerous community sports projects, Couch to 5K programmes, Men on the Move programme, Sports Leaders Awards and Operation Transformation. 
As someone who reaped the benefits of Wellness it was only fitting that she become a health and wellness Coach. “I now provide one to one consultations giving people time, space and support to effect change. I also facilitate wellness workshops to groups.” I feel so blessed and grateful that this is my job.
“If you feel like I did back then, exhausted, overwhelmed, trapped or stressed it’s time to listen to yourself. If you are having sleepless nights and everyday is a struggle the red flags are flying high. It takes courage and strength to say how you feel, not just I’m grand. 
“Give yourself permission to be really honest. You always have a choice, to stay on the path your on or to change direction and decide enough is enough. 
“Walking in the door of the doctor’s office I could never have imagined what a turn my life would take. It was one of the best gifts that I have ever given to myself.”

- For more information about Mags or to contact her check out her FB page